the other pillow is empty

Even though I am so tired, I am tired from the inside out, even though I have built and commandeered a world class emotional roller coaster for a long time,  even though I have chased and run and cooked and planned and written and listened until I thought I could do no more…

I cannot sleep without your head on the pillow next to mine.


Backseat healing

I am guilty of this…being so hurt or struck by something that I am rendered speechless or paralytic. I say I will put my healing, my process, my self first but then I try to drive that forward from the backseat. Now easy. Not practical. Not productive.

I am taking risks and talking more. I am trying to stand up for myself or make initiative on healing. I am not good at this. I am not.

In saying this I am not looking to make excuses but to own my deficit. It seems the past six months has been a lesson on a lot of things I am not good at – interpersonal, communication, self healing type of things…there are more but just that mini list makes me sad.

I need to get in the front seat. I need to feel confident in my healing and that it doesn’t mean I am running someone else over. I do have such wonderful people in my life. I celebrate them by letting myself be the wonderful person they love.