healing

by

Bug Away Spray

July 1

Hi Friend,

I hope this day is a greeting to you with Birdsong.

This morning I am thinking about little bits of advice or impactful choices that reveal confidence and wonder. Sometimes it can be difficult to ask for help. It can be frustrating not knowing what to do. It’s alright. I am learning that in my aging process. It is alright to not know things. It is alright to ask for help. What is important is where do I seek help and what do I do with it.

Out the window in front of my writing desk, is a compilation of plants that I am witnessing their growth and tending to daily. There are a few selections of peppers and tomatillos along with wildflowers and others. Not too long ago, my peppers and tomatillos were being ravaged by…something. I am not entirely sure so I will not cast blame in print. Typically, we grow peppers, because they do well. They have become our safety plant. We have grown weary with the let downs of others and I am now realizing we have a false sense of security in pepper plants. When they came under attack my safety net was under attack as well. In that instant I thought of all the books I have read, the products I have seen on endless aisles in countless stores.  I dug deep and knew I could attack this issue from a healthy angle. I found a simple solution using products that wouldn’t harm my plants or me when I eat the bounty. I’ll admit, I had that cynical moment creep into my brain doubting their effectiveness because they don’t come in a flashy can or full of some yet to be regulated product. I spritzed and sprayed my homemade mixture and wished my plants well. Days later they are thriving and growing beyond my expectations. I am filled with delight. I am reminded to pause and wonder what else can I do that causes less harm, less stress, and gets out of the way to allow growth and wonder. 

As soon as I type this, I think about the ways in which I might apply this to myself. How can I look at my own life and add a little healthy nurturing, less toxins, take pause and think of ways to promote growth and allow time to heal and thrive? How can I be brave and ask for help?

I have learned in my life thus far to shy away from the declarations. The overarching commitments and grandiose statements that I will do something everyday or from now on or something of that sort. I have learned to breathe, do one small thing that feels right. When I forget to keep a streak going or mess up, I take a breath and begin again. So I will simply look at little ways I can do something for myself in moments when I remember to think of it and hope for the best today. Friend, I hope this message gives you a chance to think about one small thing you might do for you. In Joy. 

by

Pick Peaches to Heal

We went picking to heal our hearts and it helped. Yesterday, we found our cat. She had been missing for one day and we knew something was wrong. My husband found her on the side of the road on his way to work. She most likely had been struck by a car and killed. She was only two years old. It was a tough day. I told the kids and cried a lot. I kept reminding them that it was okay to cry and to let out all their feelings. I knew we needed to move and do something though. I decided that peach/pear picking was a good heart healing activity. Something we could do that would make us feel good and not guilty for having too much fun too soon. It was the perfect thing to do. The fresh air, the movement, the smells and colors all made us feel more alive and connected to each other and to love.
This is the first pet my children have lost to death other than snails and fish from their tank. We knew this day would come and knew it would be difficult. I am grateful that they do not have to go to school today and we still have a few days left of summer holiday to peacefully transition through this new experience. I am wondering what their grief will look like today and I am hopeful that we can talk through this together. It has been important for the kids to see us cry and discuss our feelings. It has been crucial for them to hear us ask for alone time. These are all things we want to teach them. -That not only are they entitled to but they can find healthy ways of communicating their needs to others. There is no imposition, obligation, or burden. We are also trying to note that we all feel different things at different times.
Being a parent is difficult. Being a parent who wants to provide and nurture a balanced healthy emotionally intelligent household is a gauntlet. I am doing my best to go forward on this arduous journey. Walking a family through grief with grace while grieving yourself feels like an impossible task at times. However, I remind myself that we will all be the better for it. Today we can allow our selves to be a little busier and more productive towards school and cleaning. I won’t stress the resistance as much as I might have on a different day. One step at a time we will get there. I will remember that the sadness can make us sluggish. But I will also remember to tell them that we can feel sadness and not be sadness.

-August 2022

by

A moment for the birds

This morning the birds are poking around in the dirt looking for seeds. Fear not little ones as the Spring is here and the earth is loosening and exposing all sorts of new delights for you. So many new friends have come to explore the woodpile outside my window. Why even yesterday we had a few new ducks that came to the river’s edge right outside out path. So many ducks usually gather a bit further upriver. But this crew came and jostled about for hours. I am grateful.

There are times when I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel a little bubble of anxiousness or frustration or sometimes a drifty feeling in which I know I will lose myself for moments only to snap out and be anxious or frustrated that I was lost. This morning as I started to feel that feeling that bubble begin to form I went to my writing desk and sat and looked out the window. I ignored a to do list. I ignored the computer. I ignored my journals and papers. I simply looked out the window and watched the birds and squirrels.

Their resourcefulness is remarkable. Their agility, playfulness, and productivity. I gave myself ten minutes of simple observation. A little brown bird plunked his beak into a pile of leaves and spun around. This little dance caused its tail feathers to flick more leaves up and swirling revealing all sorts of surprises for everyone. As I giggled watching it a few more times my eyes drifted up to a little chickadee spinning around on a wire suet feeder. It pecked about and then flittered up to a tree. It was at that instance that I followed it to it’s resting point and noticed. I noticed the tree it landed on has started to bloom. How is it that… I could have sworn just moments before… the tree was dull wintery brown with persistent ivy clambering up its bark. Yet now, the tree is brighter and almost shining in the sun as it shows off the delicate beginnings of its precious pink blossoms cascading and swaying in the breeze. How promising and joyful. And now as I look around everything seems just a bit brighter and twinkly.

When it is time to move on and focus my attention onto the tasks ahead, I have more energy and sparkle. Taking a moment to be with nature and be with myself is always healing.