girl pride

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon, my husband and I had plans to kayak on the Hudson River. We hired a babysitter and planned an afternoon date. On our way to get lunch and go for a paddle, we stopped in at an open house for some beautiful town houses around the corner from where we live.

We were not in the market to buy but we were curious. Maybe it is something we could do in the future. We strolled around the place and enjoyed our visit. Before we left, the agent representing the property approached us. She asked us about our lifestyle and needs. She saw that I am pregnant so she asked about kids. We told her we have a daughter and a son on the way. This is where it went oh so typical and oh so sour for me.

I am fed up with this stereotype that is perpetuated by worst of all – women, mothers.

This woman felt the need to try to “reassure” me that my son will be “easier”. Because boys are so much easier than girls she claimed. I informed her that I didn’t feel that my daughter was difficult or an imposition on my life. One would think she would have taken that as a cue – STOP TALKING.

Oh no, this woman launched into how boys settle things in their own way. “They figure out how to argue and fight and be done with it when playing with each other. But Girls”, she said, “Girls are bitchy and mean. Trust me she says put a bunch of little girls together and it gets nasty quickly. It is such a pain. I mean the boys fight, they hit and settle it.”

I quickly told her that I think that is a product of socialization to think that it is OK for boys to fight it out but girls should be proper at all times. I told her that maybe her perception or expectations are unreasonable and gender biased. I love my daughter and hope she will find a multitude of ways of expressing her feelings that are respectful to others and truthful to who she is as an individual.

This “boys will be boys” attitude is what allows us to look the other way as some young men develop traits, attitudes and misconceptions about what it means to be a man and how to treat women. If we take some ownership in how as a society, especially parents, we allow and foster an idea that boys are allowed to be hostile or aggressive. Just the same way that we don’t label our boys as being “bossy”. We encourage them to be “leaders”. Women have difficulties expressing anger, frustration and dominance in life due to a lifetime of stifling their emotions and desires because they are not seen as ‘ladylike’.

I am looking forward to beginning a life long love with my son and watching him grow and evolve. The same as I am on a glorious adventure with my daughter. Of course there will be differences but mostly stemming from the fact that they are different people. I want to foster their individual spirits as well as giving them foundation to deal with their emotions and assert themselves in their world in a positive healthy way.

 

Trust Yourself

We are full steam ahead on this new adventure of including another spirit into this family. It is exciting, scary, and mind blowing all at the same time. I am 14 weeks pregnant and getting LARGE. It seems as though my body fell back into being pregnant quite comfortably and quickly.

I have been exhausted and feeling a bit haggard. Growing one baby while chasing a toddler is not an easy feat. I have had to exercise a lot of control to keep my anger, frustration and fatigue in check.

I think today I have turned a corner. I was flooded with doubt and general feelings of insecurity for the past few months. I know a lot of this is hormonal but I also think I had lost my inner strentgh. For the past three days I have been using a mantra of “trust yourself”. I am using this to propel myself into opportunities to be kinder to myself and put myself at the forefront of my energies.

Today I have gotten some work for my job done, I went to the gym and I have done some chores around the house. This included some amazing quality time with my little girl. This morning she picked carrots from our garden and ate them for breakfast. It was pure joy we shared while coloring and drawing farms to visit. I washed some new clothes for the baby and got officially excited to do this again. I look in the mirror and I have already gotten back the pudgy and chub I had worked so hard to loose but I know that this is weight of happiness I carry now. I don’t have to feel shamed or defeated by my appearance. I am building a nest.