A Case of You

Love hate mitts

Love hate mitts

Somewhere in the middle of the night before my daughter was born, I was struggling and thought she would never come out.  I had a very long labor.  I cherish every moment now but at the time, I was scared.  I was exhausted.  I was confused.  I was scheduled to be induced at 41 weeks.  I would have to go into the hospital on Sunday evening.  I felt defeated.  I didn’t want to be induced.  I wanted that unexpected “oh my God it is happening” moment.  We decided that we would do whatever we could to get this started.  I ate spicy food, went for a mile walk and had sex. Finally at 5pm on Saturday I started to have labor pains.  They progressed and became very difficult to manage but I did not begin to dialate.  In and out of the hospital we went from Saturday evening to Sunday afternoon. Our doula, Randy, came to the house to help me through.  I was vomiting and unable to keep anything down.  I was dehydrated.  Randy had helped me push through many hours at home and then recommended I head off to the hospital in the afternoon. Visit after visit from the midwife I was not dialating.   Each hour that approached we were convinced that it would bring the birth of our baby girl.  And each hour passed with major pain and no progression.  My husband sat in a horribly uncomfortable chair, playing video games, telling stories and trying not to be impatient while having a chat with me.  I was tired.

Somewhere in the blur of time and pain, an incredibly familiar and soothing voice cut through to my heart.  Joni Mitchell brought me into a place of calm, courage and connection to my inner spirit. It renewed my sense of self and I felt as if everything was blissfully as it should be – pain, fatigue and confusion were now my friends. It is amazing what music can do for me.  I salute you Joni as you have saved me countless times from being swallowed into darkness or despair.
I looked over and saw my husband’s eyes.  He was rubbing my feet and smiling.  ~How did he know?  How did he know I needed him, needed Joni, I needed.  
I could drink a case of you.
We traveled the next haze of labor with a soundtrack that was so perfect that even on my best day I couldn’t have planned it.  It was as if the universe saw that we opened a door and it swept in and flooded me with a musical support system that touched all of us.  With every song, we giggled and inhaled at its poignant timing.  Sometimes opening Pandora’s box reveals wondrous things that are beautiful, funny and perfect. Joni wafted in and out of that morning.  I feel like she was present at the birth of my daughter.  I thank Neil Young, Eva Cassidy, Stevie Wonder, CSN, Dylan, the Dead and many others that connected Matt, Juliana, and I even stronger to each other.  My daughter was born at 9:50 in the morning to Buckley singing Leonard Cohen’s classic “Alleluia” song.  
original post 16 Feb2013

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