Gratitude

It is Thanksgiving. I am grateful and appreciative of so very much. I begin my day by Thanking the Universe that I am here and healthy and happy to enjoy all it offers today. I am thankful for the love and support of my husband and the joy and love of my daughter. Their presence in my life is continual motivation to celebrate myself and this life.

I am thankful for friends. I have some beautiful people in my life that are wonderful friends. Recently I have been thinking a lot about friendship and what makes a real friend. Because of this introspective I have looked at some relationships in my life that are gloriously healthy and some that are terribly toxic. I am remembering that as an adult I can reshape my commitments to myself and others every day. I am not bound to anyone or anything that is not a welcomed source of joy and love.

There are ups and downs of every relationship – yet to allow others or yourself to pound you down and down and down – is disfunctional and unwanted. I am embracing this and under renovations in my life.

It’s alright…

There are little moments of bravery and selfishness in my life that are in dire need of celebrating. This morning included one of them. I took time to honor my body, mind, spirit and connection to others. I went to yoga class. I know this may sound silly – like – big deal, you went to yoga. Yet, it is a big deal. I didn’t stay home to take care of everyone there for three hours. Quite often I will give up plans so I can give all my focus to the family. If my husband’s schedule changes at the last minute and he is going to be home I normally would give yoga a miss and hang out with family time. However, I need to honor me as well. This is something I know, I preach but rarely practice. Today, I did it. Yay me. I also let myself be. I went into yoga class ready to just “do what I can”. I know I am not in the best shape of my life but I also know the key to making a change is loving the me that is inside. Funny thing was I discovered I could do more that just a few days prior. I didn’t push myself, I just got out of the way. This is an INCREDIBLY difficult concept for me. I have been reminded of it far too often and always feel defeated. Not today. Today, it’s alright. I also shared this day with a good friend. I didn’t feel that in order to meditate, concentrate or even work on me I needed to be alone. I brought a friend and we had our own experiences and we also had this joined experience. Now I can only speak for me but I really needed to juggle that ability to be in my own world and connect with others. Two separate experiences that overlap. It was good. I didn’t compete. I didn’t worry. I didn’t get distracted. I got out of the way. Sometimes it is difficult to share these journeys with others. I am vulnerable and so so so fragile in my vulnerability. This is something I have hidden. I think I am learning to let my vulnerability shine like another bright star in my personal sky. okay, that sounds silly. I am learning to be at peace with my little neurosis. I get self conscience at the drop of a hat and I have spent a lot of energy to hide that – no more. Today I begin to admit things…and it’s alright. Thanks yoga.

Original post 3Mar2013