There is a voice inside me. It varies in volume but is ever constant. This voice is reminding me that I am on a journey. I am not done. I am not only who I was, but so much more I have forgotten and not yet discovered.
This is something I hear from deep within my body. my heart, my mind, my soul. When I hear these words I can become so powerful if I give myself the moment to say them out loud to myself. Honor these words and magic happens.
I drop the heavy load of guilt, shame, and judgement. I release the joy and pleasure into the universe. I make a contract with myself that there is no one beginning and no single end.
I am vulnerable and meek. I am quiet and cautious. I am observing the world and all its power. I am taking notes. I study the grace and strength of all around me. I take a pause with rage and anger. I am gentle and loving. I am pensive and full.
I am vibrating and steaming and boiling to the top. I can hear nothing but the sound of my own emotions. I spin with the force of generations of earth, wind, and fire. I am infinite in my powerful rage and fervor. I shake the core of my own existence with an outward tsunami of love and raw emotion. I am unstoppable until I am done and empty.
this voice can purify me. It can subdue me. It has the ability to motivate me to move mountains. If I listen and repeat, anything is possible. It is all inside waiting for me to breathe and release the transformative power. It is in me. I breathe. I believe.
I am on a 10 book challenge. This may seem daunting to some and trivial to others.
While having lunch with some colleagues late June, we decided to go on a 10 book challenge. We all said we would try to read 10 books in 8 weeks. While discussing, I admitted that each summer I like to read or reread at least one classic novel. Well, thats where it all went to sh*t. A few of my co-workers had exclaimed that they had just purchased Anna Karenina at a book sale. I thought how strange ( not understanding that it was a library’s way of dumping a bunch of copies of a book no one reads!) So we decided that within our 10 book challenge Anna would enter the line up.
WTF were we thinking?
I went to the library and checked out a copy. Holy cinder block!
I began read and it took me what seemed like an eternity to get to page 8. I am a slow reader but this is painful. I checked in with the others. Some had started the book and were silently cursing Tolstoy and others had yet to embark.
It is comical really, every page I turned felt like a weight around my neck and I was sinking deeper into a slow death.
I chose another book to read for a while. Then I read five other books. My daughter took the bookmark out of A.K. Is that a sign?
Now the question is – do I try again? Do I start over? Or do I just let this classic go and watch the movie?