Begin Again

There is a voice inside me. It varies in volume but is ever constant. This voice is reminding me that I am on a journey. I am not done. I am not only who I was, but so much more I have forgotten and not yet discovered. 

Begin Again.

This is something I hear from deep within my body. my heart, my mind, my soul. When I hear these words I can become so powerful if I give myself the moment to say them out loud to myself. Honor these words and magic happens.

Begin Again. 

I drop the heavy load of guilt, shame, and judgement. I release the joy and pleasure into the universe. I make a contract with myself that there is no one beginning and no single end. 

Begin Again. 

I am vulnerable and meek. I am quiet and cautious. I am observing the world and all its power. I am taking notes. I  study the grace and strength of all around me. I take a pause with rage and anger. I am gentle and loving. I am pensive and full. 

Begin Again.

I am vibrating and steaming and boiling to the top. I can hear nothing but the sound of my own emotions. I spin with the force of generations of earth, wind, and fire. I am infinite in my powerful rage and fervor. I shake the core of my own existence with an outward tsunami of love and raw emotion. I am unstoppable until I am done and empty.

Begin Again. 

this voice can purify me. It can subdue me. It has the ability to motivate me to move mountains. If I listen and repeat, anything is possible. It is all inside waiting for me to breathe and release the transformative power. It is in me. I breathe. I believe. 

Begin Again. 

 

Book Review: Braiding Sweetgrass

I love this book.

Unexpectedly, I received this book as a gift. A new friend was telling me about it. She was floating and swirling with emotion and passion as she spoke of this book I was so intrigued. I put it on my mental list of “get this book and read it”. What is truly amazing that although RF and I are new friends, she knew me well enough to realize my TBR pile is LONG. We are kindred spirits in that sometimes you read a book and you NEED to talk about it. You NEED to share it and know that it is wrapping up your loved ones in its wisdom and imagination. We saw each other on a retreat in April when she was gushing over this book. In May she presented me with the book and I was overjoyed.

I wasn’t sure what to expect and found myself pulled into this book with self examining interest. Although it isn’t a book about self healing and change, it is exactly was it became. I appreciate the opportunity to look deeply into my own practice of reciprocity and my relationship with our natural world. I discovered a liberation in sorts and began to embrace gratitude on a whole new level. “Braiding Sweetgrass” has begun to assist me in understanding my role in global harmony and change.

 

To C.Fisher on a chilly afternoon

hi.

it’s cold.
i’m sitting in a lobby
near a very large revolving door
occasionally i get a wash
of cold city fumed air
across me then followed by a force of heat
from the guy, seated to my right, breathing
don’t be mad
but this made me think of you
i miss that smile
i wonder what you’re doing,
I see this woman in a puffy black winter coat
held together with a pink cashmere scarf
draped over a pair of mustard yellow sweatpants
cant help but think
if you were here
this moment, this part of my life
would be a poem.

June Poems: #2

I watch her sleep

envisioning the stretches

the changes

that will happen

over time.

How will she look

in ten years time?

If I am too busy

it will feel like it all happened

in a blink.

For now, I soak up

that angel skin

and soothing snore.

Take a deep breath

and pray for more.

Shakespeare and my kids 1

I have begun reading the first few chapters of “How to Teach your Children Shakespeare”. It’s easy to already see how to implement this into my life. I’m excited.

The other night, after I read the first two Chapters, I went into Juliana’s room to get ready for Bedtime. We cuddled, read stories and began to get drowsy.

She rolled over to look at me and said, “mummy what were you reading?”

“A book about one of my favorite writers and how I can help you to read and love his work. ”

“Who is it Mummy?”

“Shakespeare”

“Can we meet him? Go see him?”

“In a way, we can see his plays performed. Shakespeare is no longer alive. He died a long time ago. ”

“Mummy, is Shakespeare a dinosaur?”

I chuckled and hugged her. We are on our way because my daughter LOVES dinosaurs. “Yes in a way my dear he is. I love you. We will start reading his stuff together soon.”

This is going to be enlightening!

Down came the rain

Last night Juliana was singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. She sings the first line and looks to us to sing the rest. Because of this song, she sees spiders and their webs and gets excited calling out “Bitsy”. It has brought us so much joy and wonder at how smart this little one is.

She has moved on the attempt the next line of the song. “Down came the rain…” however, she gets a little confused because she likes the part where I sing “washed”. So there were a few times that the line came out “down came the washed”, then it was “down came the what”. Later in the evening, before bed she began the song again to insert her new version that includes the line “don’t give up”. Then as children do, she was like a little broken record repeating this phrase again and again; “don’t give up”, don’t give up”, “don’t give up”.

At first I corrected her saying down came the rain and then listened to her, to the sentiment. My mind was blown. Is this a mere mistake of wording and sound or has she learned a lesson from this song, from this “Bitsy” – don’t give up. Is it possible that my 19 month old is this profound or is it a funny coincidence?

“Don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up”.

I spent that past 24 hours reflecting on this little mantra of hers. I hadn’t thought I was giving up on anything but as I looked at my life right now, I realised that maybe it is the little defeats, the small ways that I relinquish, or no longer stay invested in what could be something great. Am I that spider continuaously on a heroic journey even when I am deciding whether or not to do my sit-ups, brush my hair, drink water instead of coffee, think good thoughts, finish a task, fold the laundry, put my shoes away, floss, laugh a little more, eat better, pray and say thank you, do the dishes, write letters, smile at strangers, breathe through it all…

Maybe the boring tasks of life that help preserve my sanity and heal my soul are thus monumental in the bigger scope. Maybe I am that spider climbing a water spout in a rainstorm. As I reshape ‘the dream’ each day and embrace what the world has to offer, I can be positive, tenacious and hopeful.

It is also quite coincidental that recently I took another certification exam for teaching to extend the possibilities of what I am allowed to teach. I had to write an essay on a poem that I had to memorize in graduate school. At first I was relieved during the exam that I was already familiar with the poem. However, I had to memorize it for a voice class in Acting school. I had made a connection to it but now, now I was wearing the poem like my skin. Seriously, while I read and reread that poem during this exam, I was fusing myself into it. The poem is about a spider. I have looked at so many spiders ( Bitsys ) lately so it seemed chosen just for me.

A Noiseless Patient Spider -Walt Whitman

A noiseless patient spider, I mark’d where on a little promontoryit stood isolated,
Mark’d how to explore the vacant vast surrounding, It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself, Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.
And you O my soul where you stand, Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space, Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them, Till the bridge you will need be form’d, till the ductile anchor hold, Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.

The universe is speaking. through spiders, through teacher certification exams, through my daughter. The universe is speaking and I am listening.

don’t give up…

original post 20 June 2013